Still Alive

Hello world,

It has been over a year since I have posted anything on this blog, and the longer that gap becomes, the more terrified I become of posting anything. Reading over my last entries, I am convinced that anything I post now will seem pedestrian and dull. But I must write. And so, in an attempt to avoid pedestrian, I will instead reverse direction completely and become pompous and lofty, full of grand ideas and themes.

Here are the bare bones of the situation: Less than one month after graduating college, I got a full time job. I am working as a cashier (although I have also played the roles of buyer, merchandiser, and sales associate in the past month) at a store that sells cookware and holds cooking classes. I live in San Diego, California, surrounded by adventure opportunities aplenty. I somehow managed to find the only living situation in the entire city that I can afford, and I live here with two pretty cool girls who also just graduated college.

Sometimes I wonder if I have made the right decision, or if i am "settling" for less when I should be striving for something greater, like, oh I don't know, researching birds in Alaska, or becoming a doctor, or spending a year in Europe, or working at a national park, or alright since you asked yes those are all things that people I love are doing right out of college. Hardly fair standards to judge one's life by, I would say. Nor do I believe that my friends are judging me for my decision to be a cashier. They may not understand it completely, but I know that they still love me.

It is hard to explain the joy of mundanity, and when you try to explain it, it suddenly loses its joy and becomes weak and pale. That's because it isn't mundanity, not at all. It is the feeling of learning that one of your fellow cashiers likes Doctor Who, and suddenly having a new realm of between-customer-conversations thrown wide open. It's hearing yourself explaining the many uses of grapeseed oil to a customer and realizing you sound like you know what the heck you are talking about. Even cooler is realizing that you DO know what the heck you are talking about. And I may not be saving lives, or doing research, but I am learning every day, and I love the crap out of that.

I have an entire new vocabulary now, and I love that I can expound on things which I have always been interested in but never knowledgeable about. It is really cliche to say, but it really is the little things in life, and right now, almost all of my little things are in order. I'm living close to my family, I am making friends in beautiful San Diego, making a moderate amount of money, and for the first time, experiencing the hazards of paying rent and being alone in a new city. It is different from the newness of travelling, although there is definitely a touristy aspect to it.

It is the newness of learning where the closest grocery store is, and then where the closest Trader Joe's is.  It's mourning that I moved away from a familiar network of jogging trails only to discover that I have moved in right across the street from a canyon threaded with new ones to explore. It's figuring out which coffee shop is the best to go for a scone and chai in the mornings on my days off, and being told by new friends where to get the best milkshakes. Deciding what to cook for dinner is particularly fun, because I have a shop full of compatriots who never tire of discussing what's for dinner. I may have landed in a most dangerous position, because this is the one store where impulse-buying will be an actual problem for me. Additionally, deciding which yoga studio to join has been a particularly enjoyable struggle, as most studios offer cheap promos for newbies. Probably most importantly for me has been the process of slowly weaning myself off of my gps, and forcing myself to learn my way around this twisted city of canyons and coastline. Do I sound like a lame mastercard comercial, or what?

In conclusion, though people (read: my wonderful gang of over-achieving friends) may be confused when I tell them that I am working full time as a cashier and couldn't be happier, I am being sincere. Maybe this will help you understand. Heck, maybe it will help me understand. (Half of the reason I am writing this is to work things out for myself, though 90% of the reason I am publishing it is so that everyone knows how lofty my ideals are.) Though this may not be my home forever, I am certainly content that it should remain my home for the foreseeable future (at least one year because I am about to sign a lease!). Please come visit me, future movers and shakers, and I will take you to the zoo and show you the baby pandas.


Well, its midnight, so I am going to look at this tomorrow with less tired eyes, and see if I still don't find this too unbearably unjustifiably whiny and platonic to let other people read. Right now I am going to go to sleep, as I have work in the morning. And I can't wait to go.